Things to keep in mind to ensure the holidays are enjoyable for everyone.
More than any other time of the year, December seems built on memories. Family and friends gathering together always bring up stories from the past. Traditions such as decorating a Christmas tree or playing dreidel trigger memories from when we were young. And the impending new year causes us to look back at the current year and reflect.
But a month so reliant on memories may be difficult for someone in your family if they suffer from memory problems. They might not be able to fully participate in the festivities, which can be disappointing and stressful for both you and them.
Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to ensure that everyone enjoys their time together this holiday season.
Set your expectations – If you realize that someone with memory problems isn’t forgetting things on purpose, you’ll find that you’re less frustrated if they ask the same questions over and over, or if they don’t remember something you spoke about even a few minutes ago. This is their reality. So, engage with them in the present and don’t worry too much about the past or the future. They want to be with you and they’re doing the best they can.
Let them shine – When it comes to memory loss, often short-term memory is the first to be affected while long-term memory can be crystal-clear. So, lean into this strength and engage them in conversation about things that happened a long time ago. To a certain extent, we’ve always looked to our elders for wisdom and stories about what happened in the past, so this role makes perfect sense for older people with memory problems.
Be their guide – People with memory loss sometimes have a hard time remembering names and other details about people they’ve already met. So, even with family or friends they’ve known for a long time, recognize that they may not remember them. To help, try to have someone near them who can remind them of who someone is in a discreet way, perhaps by saying, “And you remember [the person’s name]. They are [describe the person’s relation to them.]” Being this guide can help the person with memory loss feel less embarrassed about not remembering while, at the same time, smoothing over any ruffled feathers from friends or relatives who don’t understand the person’s memory challenges.
Keep some routine – The holidays can be full of special events and functions – things that aren’t the norm. While some of these events can be exciting for everyone, people with memory loss sometimes find “new” to be overstimulating or even uncomfortable. So, try to keep some of the person’s routine during the holidays, especially as it comes to an eating and sleeping schedule. Having these touchstones throughout the day will help them stay grounded, making the special events easier to enjoy.
Be present – Even if we don’t suffer from memory loss, many of us set expectations for the holidays that are impossible to reach. We want everything to be perfect, “just like it used to be.” Of course, the past wasn’t perfect, so instead of trying to relive your impression of the past, focus on the here-and-now. Look around and appreciate people for who they are today – including anyone who has memory loss. We all change and the more we can accept who people are today, the better the holidays will be for everyone.
Above all, realize that just because someone is experiencing memory problems doesn’t mean they can’t be part of your holidays. Yes, it may take a bit more planning and a bit more patience. But they’re still the person you’ve always known. And having them around is worth the extra work.
For more information about how to help someone with memory loss, click here: (https://memorylossfoundation.org/what-helps-memory-loss/)